That's a lot of strain for you, you know. [ Elizabeth's voice was cautionary. ] You both would be like some... some heroes from a novel, helping those who can't help themselves in secret to maintain their anonymity.
[ It was frightening, she can't deny any of this. But, Grell's words were not what she expected. ]
But, what about you? Announcing yourself as a professional is not going to solve — whatever this is. It helps others, yes... but... Grell.
What about me in this? Either I use the skills I have and the trust people give me to do something, or I do not.
[something to do, something to pursue. she'll take on most of it herself to ease Lucian if she has to. the cost to herself? not considered, simply pushed to the side.]
If it doesn't solve it, then it's fine if in the meantime it helps other people, right?
[she laughs, but it's only once. something almost resigned.]
When it comes to matters like this, I don't really know how to stop. Only how to keep moving forward. I'm terribly foolish that way.
[Grell says it so lightly, but she's never said it out loud to Elizabeth before. implied it maybe, with how she seems to just...continue, but never in such black and white terms.]
[she says the words quietly, but the way she reaches for Elizabeth's hand to simply hold it for a moment speaks to the depth of how much she means it.]
And for certain, you know I'll do the same for you. Even if that means picking a topic to go on about for an hour so you don' have to dwell on this the whole time. I'm certain I could figure out something to complain about for an hour, at least.
I know and I appreciate that more than you'll ever know. I trust you beyond your expertise in your field.
[ As a friend, she implies. They both sit there being gay as fuck holding hands. Her thumb rolls over Grell's knuckle, clutching it tightly in the only reassuring way she can. ]
We'll figure this out. Somehow. For now, as long as there's no pain associated with this... we have to still deal with the sad reality.
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[ It was frightening, she can't deny any of this. But, Grell's words were not what she expected. ]
But, what about you? Announcing yourself as a professional is not going to solve — whatever this is. It helps others, yes... but... Grell.
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[something to do, something to pursue. she'll take on most of it herself to ease Lucian if she has to. the cost to herself? not considered, simply pushed to the side.]
If it doesn't solve it, then it's fine if in the meantime it helps other people, right?
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[ The workload, the influx of people seeking her out like some savior. The less focus on her own situation and more on others — ]
... There's still a line I do hope you don't cross. One that borders negligence to yourself and foolishness.
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When it comes to matters like this, I don't really know how to stop. Only how to keep moving forward. I'm terribly foolish that way.
[Grell says it so lightly, but she's never said it out loud to Elizabeth before. implied it maybe, with how she seems to just...continue, but never in such black and white terms.]
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[ A beat. ]
Watch where you're going, is all I'm saying. I'm trying to find the right path to move on from this. You're welcome to join me in blissful ignorance.
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[there's only so much before it becomes too exhausting to handle entirely.]
I can soldier on and not raise a fuss, but it's there all the same.
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[ She wants to give Grell some answer. Some awe-inspiring answer that will give her courage to honestly do right by herself.
It's in that moment that it hits her. This isn't her. This isn't her reaction, but for Grell? Maybe this is perfectly acceptable. ]
Give me a call when you feel a fuss arising. Whichever way you choose to deal with the cards dealt to you, you know I'll be here.
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[she says the words quietly, but the way she reaches for Elizabeth's hand to simply hold it for a moment speaks to the depth of how much she means it.]
And for certain, you know I'll do the same for you. Even if that means picking a topic to go on about for an hour so you don' have to dwell on this the whole time. I'm certain I could figure out something to complain about for an hour, at least.
[the joke is weak, but the sentiment is true.]
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[ As a friend, she implies. They both sit there being gay as fuck holding hands. Her thumb rolls over Grell's knuckle, clutching it tightly in the only reassuring way she can. ]
We'll figure this out. Somehow. For now, as long as there's no pain associated with this... we have to still deal with the sad reality.